QE's Babble
News, Blather & Yap

Tales from 60th South

December 12, 2000 12:15 AM

So hear in the Great Northwest we're all worried about electricity (or elegtrizidy as they say here). Why? Because California is running out of power! And why do we care? Because apparently Oregon, y'know, the state with, what? 9 massive hydroelectric dams, usually runs out of power every winter. So now they're saying they may need to resort to rolling blackouts. Now, I remember when we had rolling blackouts in Arlington awhile back in the summer and it was, like (*shurg*) no AC for an hour....oh well. Not sure how good I feel about having these things in the dead of winter. Hrm. So, what are all the oregonians doing to prepare for this? That's right, covering their houses in tons of christmas lights. Its bizarre, they recycle everything here. I wouldn't be suprised to find a can for used coffe grounds to be recycled someday. But when it comes to elegtrizidy its "eh....(*shurg*)" Course I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that Portland General Electric just blows.

So I went out and bought myself a good nutritious dinner tonight. That's right, a big box of Fruit-O Fun!!! Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....Fruit-O Fun. Fruit-O Fun is QFC's version of frootloops, but sugarier and I think they have one more froot flavor than frootloops does.
Oh, and speaking of QFC, I noticed tonight that Haley Larson, age 12 won the bag design contest. Yes, THAT Haley Larson...the hack psuedo semi-abstract expressionist. Yet another of her pointless and meaningless works....some kind of white bulbous figure with what appear to branches for limbs. WTF does that have to do with the birth of christ?? Really!!! You'd think the supermarket would be the last to sucker up to over-commercialized pop art, but no, there it was.
Ah well, everyone knows an artist's work isn't truly worthwhile until after their death. And I've got TWENTY years head start on YOU Haley AGE 12 don't I?????
Nothing else new.....oh, except I made it to the Industrial Zone in Grand Theft Auto....oh yah....who r00lz??? That'd be me.
December 2, 2000 3:45 AM

SELL OUT!!!!!!!!!!

Yah.....its true, I've sold out. I've become a spokesperson for Henry's Beer.
ha...no, I wish....then I'd get all the free beer I could possibly want...and I could pay my rent in beer.
See? I'm making lame attempts to cover up the fact that I've sold out. The dream is over. The love is gone. I've turned my back on the one thing that was always there for me. Right now, as I speak, this page is not being edited in editpad...but in....HomeSite. (*gak*)
I COULDN'T HELP IT!!!!! They MADE me use it at work...and it closes my tags for me...and lets me be sooooo lazy.....(*sob*)

I'm so very ashamed. I'm using a 9 meg html editor.
Anyway....on the plus side, I've currently got one of the lamest web servers on the planet....Apache, PHP, and MySQueezeL......on win32! Ok, so that's not terminally lame considering I just set it up as a php testbed for my own use...and at least its not like a mac or something. Apache turned out to be remarkably easy to set up. Well...then again I haven't gotten around to getting it gabbing with the MySQueezeL server yet, so don't want to jinx it quite yet. Eh, maybe I'll go do that now...nothing else happening on the web tonight.
Oh, and here's my latest entry into the QFC bag contest:

I call it "Santa under two miles of ocean" Ha!!! Get it??? The intense pressure has turned Santa into nothing but a red greasy blob!!! Ha!!!!

Ha!!!!

Santa desn't really exist y'know......
Nothing else new.....really.
November 25, 2000 10:17 PM

I just noticed that QFC (our local supermarkets for all you Easties) has a big blank square on all of its shopping bags and is inviting kids to enter a picture for their holliday shopping bags. Winner gets a trip to Disneyland, which is a place I've never been too! Huzzah! So here's my first entry:


I call it "Jesus' view of Christmas since Jesus was on Magic Mushrooms" as inspired by Phillip K. Dick's "The Transmigration of Timothy Archer". I think I have a major shot at this one!
Last night I decided not to drink any beer, despite it being an extended holiday weekend and all since, hey, I remembered the words of all those kids in highschool and college who used to tell me "you don't need alcohol to have a good time". Man, I'm here to tell you that they were seriously fucked. Not only did I NOT have a good time last night, I was fucking miserable. I went to bed about 12:00 and spent until about 4:00 doing the following thanks to the friggin' allergies: settle in, get comfy, leg itches, scratch leg, settle in, get comfy, neck itches, scratch neck, settle in, get comfy and on and on and on.... Why did I ever listen to those kids??? Jesus...to them I say "you people are stupid!!! I bet you haven't even graduated yet have you????" So tonight its happily back to Henry's beer.
Man, is there anything worse than having to buy vaguely embarrassing stuph at the supermarket? My ear is still all waterlogged so I had to go buy some ear drops. Of course they didn't sell any ear drobs by themselves in an innocent little box, all they had was a big box of a "BIG GLOPPY CRUSTY EARWAX REMOVAL KIT". Ok, it wasn't called that, but it might as well have been. I mean, its one thing to go to the supermarket and buy, like KY Jelly or something...you just march right up to checkout and look em right in the eye with a look that says "I'm masturbating in ways that you can't even imagine". Ear wax removal kits, though....ew, I mean everyone has the problem eventually, but its like "ha ha, who's the grotesque one in the check out line tonight?? Oooh EARWAX!!" Bleh.
MySQL is out for Win32!!! Ooo....life IS good. Best part of this is that I'm goin' to work monday and announcing it to all of our open source freak sys admins who practically had a cardiac when I mentioned I had PHP and GIMP for win32...hah! Wussies.
November 20, 2000 11:16 PM

Wow. I just got my second e-mail from someone who saw my website who wasn't a Crunchlander (wait, that's not right, ok, second person who I never dorkily said "dooood...go check out my cool website" and/or wasn't a crunchlander) and who said they thought it was pretty funny. I find that to be both a)pretty cool and b)pretty sad because it means they've never visited MisterPants, because if they had then I'd been getting e-mails that said "hey, you're kinda funny, but goddam you're no Mister Pants!". It also made me realize that I've been very slaaaaooooow in updating haven't I??? From now on I'm turning over a new leaf! At least one update every twenty days, I PROMISE YOU THIS!!!

It also made me realize that a lot of people must have no idea what I'm talking about when I mention people like Red, Peanut, or Henry V, which means I really need to get back into the habit of providing links like I used to before I got all lazy....oh wait, I've always been all lazy. Huh.

So we're back in plain ol' html here....I figured I was working on enough other ego gratifying PHP projects that I didn't really need the web toys. Plus I was getting embarrassed at channelling people through my index page since its got a secret javascript error that I've been too lazy to fix. Such is life right? That's right.
So, other than that I'm pretty much just sitting here at home sticking rolled up wads of tissue in my ear. Yeah, I know you're not supposed to stick stuph in your ears (ESPECIALLY not Q-tip cotton swabs which are meant for something completely different according to them. They won't tell us what it is...but its something different...like cleaning mice or something), but I got water stuck in my ear while I was soaking my head, and there's just very few things in life that annoy me quite as much as that....except maybe contact dermititus.
Anyway....that's all.
November 6, 2000 10:19 PM

I just finished voting....we get to vote early here in Orgegon....did yooou get to vote early?? No?? Oh, I guess only I got to vote early. (Well....me and the rest of Oregon). I dunno, I kind of was thinking that I'd go ahead and wait and go down to the school or whatever and vote on election day, but apparently that's just not how it works around here. Anyway, I had a last minute change of mind and voted for George Bush...ha-ha, no. I did go ahead and vote with my conscience for Nader...ha-ha, no, Nader's a dork. I voted for Gore because I believe in his policy of giving Peanut a good job if elected. (*shurg*) yeah, that's about the most important thing when it comes to national politics for me. Plus, hey, I just never really saw what everyone had against the guy, I mean, yeah, he's kinda bland, but I think he'll be kinda the Anthony Williams of the US...pretty bland and a big geek, but just kinda quietly goes about his business. (*shurg*). Plus, well, hey, again, he IS a big geek...I can identify with that. Though to make myself feel better for not voting for Nader, I voted for the green candidate Tre Arrow for congress...ha-ha, no Tre Arrow's a big dork too. No, actually I ended up voting for Walt Brown, the socialist candidate...eh, I liked his platform...plus he looks kinda like Earnest Borgnine....we need more people who will make the nation think of McHale's Navy in office (and before ya call me up to gripe 'Nut, don't worry, Blumenauer's got like zip chance of losing around here.) I was gonna vote for Greg Byrne for State Supreme Court because he looks like Piccard, but then I found out he's a big dick. So I voted for Paul J. Demuniz....who I suppose if was really dark out you might mistake for Al from Happy Days...plus he's apparently a really cool guy. Finally, I DID write in Wedge Antilles for mayor of Portland. I really think he's got a good shot at this. Yeah, that Very Katz chyck is running "unopposed", but, y'know, Wedge really has that whole "character" thing wrapped up. Plus he's promised to replace the cruddy old busses with Y-Wings.

Anyway, now that everyone knows how I HAVE ALREADY VOTED I guess its all pretty much wrapped up. All you east coast republicans can pretty much just stay home tomorrow...I mean, why bother? Its all pretty much over now.

Hey-aaya-ay.

November 4, 2000 4:11 PM

Well, as yuu can see if your paying attention I've been spending my time palying with PHP (the silly little random quote generator up above is courtesy of PHP...). Its a neat little language, I like it (plus the interpreter works on my machine, which is always a big plus for a lot of languages for me). So far I've just been making the typical dumb web toys...counter, random phrase generator, voting booth (which still isn't working right....getting closer though)...usual stuph. Gonna start working on a login/password script as soon as I do a little more research on encryptions and PHPs safe writes to disk.

There was this lady on the bus last night...really animated talker, though she sort of tended to stutter on some phrases for some reason that I don't know (its not like I know her personally). One thing she did was every once and awhile at the end of her sentance she would add in a little singing "hey-aaaya-ay". Something like "so when I'm work, right? and 2:30 comes around, which is when I get out of there, right? I'm out the door. hey-aaya-ay". I just thought it was kinda cool.
Been making an occasional foray back to half-life lately. Of course had to play Neil Manke's "They Hunger 2". Manke just does real nice work period. The sequal moves into a slightly more military field (natural half-life progression) and I didn't find it nearly as scarey as the first (save for maybe the weird david bowie sounding skeleton guys who kept repeating "who goes there?? ahhh...flesh creature...flessssh...."...they were just creepy in a funny/disturbed kinda way) but fuck man....its Manke! Go download! And if you haven't even played the original "They Hunger" then you're just a dork.

Moved from there to Chemical Existance which so far has been a big dissapointment. Its sort of a Sin version of Half-Life, and its kinda too bad that it sucks. There's actually some pretty cool new models, some gorgeous new textures, and cool new weapons. The whole thing's completely marred unfortunately because the map design just blows. There were maybe 4 or 5 times I found spaces where you could easily access the edge of the map and a lot of really crappy jumpy puzzles. Really made me realize how important good mapping can be. Oh well.
October 26, 2000 9:35 PM

I really need to start updating more often then once a week because here comes another long rambling meaningless update....
Cor....what a week....2 12-hour days, a couple of 10-hours and a 9...anybody tells ya that we dot.com kids don't work hard, well, we don't always, I sure did this week. Our clients have been moaning lately because they're not getting listed right away, or as numero uno on search engines ("why are we sunk in a list of 200 New York law firms??"...."er...because there's a buttload of lawyers in New York...go out and kill the rest if you don't like it.") So, anyway, my company commissioned me to do a study on search engines and to see if there's any hope (in a word, "no"). Basically, search engines really sux0r. Are they advertising type yellow pages or indexing white pages? No one, including them, seem to know. It DID however expose me to the ODP which is pretty kick-ass as search indices go. It also reinforced my suspician that Google is just a dumb idea. Think about it. It ranks according to how many out-hits it has on each link, so essentially your seeing the parts of the web that everyone else is looking at. I wanna see cool stuph not something like MSNBCCBSAOLyahoo.com....
MisterPants is just fucking funny. If I ever meet Mister Pants on the street I'm gonna tell him "Dude, you are just fucking funny." Check out his latest stuph about Office Depot copying and returning used Q-tips. I wish I could be fucking funny too, but I find the concept of telling people that they're fucking funny funny, so obviously I can't.
I've decided to concentrate recently on building up my cd collection since all of my tapes are currently back in Falls Church, VA and all I have with me is maybe 20 or 30 cds total. So what's the first thing everyone does when they get this urge??? That's right. Join Coyumbia House or BMG Music Club. I found one of those damn everpresent ads for BMG in the paper and was filling it out when I thought....hrm, wonder if they have a website by now. Yes they do. Ok, big wiff, they still have the same ol' fairly lame selection right? Well, yes, but here's the cool catch....when they send you that card that sez "we're about to send you Michael Bolton's latest piece of shit and you need to send this back REAL FAST or else have to deal with sending the cd itself back", you can now get that card, pop online, and say "send me that and die BMG Music Club!!!!" Kick asssss. SO I signed up for my 7 free cds and really don't remember all the stuph I ordered because I ordered Deee-lite's "World Clique" which is the main thing I'm waiting for. When I get it I'm gonna play it over and over and over and over....much to the undoubted chagrin of my neighbor (Po). :)
Stuph I didn't know because I am dim:
Fatboy Slim was originally in the Housemartins.
Why the fux0r didn't anyone tell me that??? You all know I love dancing around to the Housemartin's "Happy Hour"!!! Ok, well, maybe you ALL don't know that....well, ok, maybe nobody knows that.
I thought maybe I told Auguste once....maybe not.
Which reminds me, the BMG Music Club has the Norman Cook Collection...anyone have this? let me know if its worth having, mmkay?
I've been thinking a lot about death recently and I'm not sure why.

Ha ha, no, not really, I've been thinking about multi-breasted women.
BTW, I'm sure somebody out there is wondering why I have the image of the flattened teddy bear at the top of this update...basically since DSF refused to reveal what it really is, I've decided to make it a vehicle for my own amusement. Damn it, that thing was destracting me throughout the entire ceremony and I STILL don't know what it is!!! My latest guess is its just a REALLY BIG-ASS LEAF. 'Course, you all realize that I'm taking the risk that its really, like, one of Sappho's great-great-grandma's keepsakes, or DSF's first love letter to Sappho or something really sentimental and I'm going to get in big trouble when they get back from the honeymoon....but, hey, that's not for another week or something, so until then I figure flattened teddy belongs to MY imagination.....:)
Simpson's quote for the week: "You sayin' we're not workin'?"
Fear & Loathing quote for the week: "GOD DAMN IT, THIS IS IMPORTANT!"
Remember kids....a vote for Nader or Gore is a vote for Bush. Vote Antilles!
October 19, 2000 10:59 PM

I KNOW I had *something* to say tonight
But I just can't think of what it was anymore....so I'm gonna make y'all suffer while I try to think of it....um....still laughing hard at MisterPants....I think I need to write him and tell him he needs to make t-shirts...MisterPants just rocks....MisterPants is what the web's all about....but that wasn't it....um....there's a site dedicated to digitally altering photographs of women into multi-breasted women...I find this a bit....odd...not disturbing...I mean, I'm certainly not someone who can condemn anyone else's fetishes...but, er? Anyway....that still wasn't it....huh....just noticed the newness of Nearlife.org....all I can say is, I got all the fixin's, all I need is a place toooo coooooook....not that that means anything....there was still something around here I meant to mention....(*sigh*)....still need to catch up on my PHP...the randomizer functions calling to me....but that wasn't it either....got some new funky chairs (nobody cares)....er, just voluntarily resigned from one of my old IRC channels (nobody cares).....ummmm....hm....call 1-800-872-6460 x6935 and get a free carton of American Spirits...REALLY...there was SOMETHING I meant to bring up....Portland busses?? Nah (oh, speaking of which....Red, if ya ever want to make Bob Levy's head explode in a horrendous fashion buy him a plane ticket to Portland and include a bus pass....soon as he sees everyone getting on with their cups of coffee, *BOOM*...ehhehehe....anyway, that wasn't it)....hrm...."Best of Breed" is out and supposedly as good as "Waiting for Guffman"....gotta see that...."Nightmare before Christmas" is apparently being re-released....oh, and for all you kids complaining that I haven't given you a call in a bit, not my fault, USWestisnowqwest has yet to straighten out my long distance account...pfft...ok, I totally have forgotten what I meant to mention....never mind.

October 14, 2000 9:46 PM

I love this state.
Its funny....one thing I've noticed about getting away from the shadow of the beltway is that people away from DC are into politics. Ok, there's plenty of interest in DC about who their new neighbor is gonna be over at 1600 Pennsylvania, but other than that things are just sorta, eh, (*shurg*). I remember when I was in Vermont people were really really into senate and representative races. Here in Oregon people are really really into state ballot measures. Today in the mail I got my copy of the "Voter's 'Pamphlet'". The "pamphlet" describes all of the measures coming up on the next ballot, and includes pro and con articles from anyone who wants to shell out the $500 per half page. The "pamphlet" is also 400 pages long. One of the hot topics this year is measure 9, sponsered by our local christian ultra-conservative busybody crank, Lon Mabon. This guy's a complete and utter boob. Anyway, measure 9 basically forbids any school that receives public funds from portraying homosexuality or bisexuality in any positive way whatsoever (this includes community colleges and even the University of Oregon). One of the things that had me in total giggles was the first 3 or 4 arguments in favor of measure 9 was from these guys. The articles just completely shred ol' Lonnie, describe why the bible really doesn't care much about homosexuality, and even have one entertaining article claiming that Lon is actually far too liberal....Leviticus speaks against eating Oysters too..."the militant oyster agenda to recruit your children into the sinful shellfish lifestyle under the disguise of dietary diversity and balanced menus is anti-Beef bigotry. IMHO, when it comes to serious issues and politics, humor is always needed, and these guys do a great job.

I was also sort of suprised to see some of the heavies who came out against the measure. Along with the expected articles by PFLAG and Planned Parenthood, there were articles by all kinds of PTAs, the Oregon Library Association (librarians rock...they're always coming out on the right side of issues...maybe I should have joined the Library Party...), the Oregon Log Cabin Repubs joined up with the Oregon Libertarian Party, the Oregon League of Women Voters (I always thought they usually stayed pretty nuetral on issues), Nurses United, National Association of Social Workers, the Oregon Catholic Committee, the Oregon Quakers, and Senator Ron Wyden. Phew, quite a group.

Yep, this is a cool state.

Hey Peanut...check it out...you know you want it...cu cu cu!!
October 2, 2000 11:31 PM

So now I am a citizen of Portland, OR.....

Anyway....
Starting to build up the essentials in my apartment slowly...got a coffee maker on sunday and got a can opener today...sugar, milk, beer (Henry's beer no less....Henry's *Private Stock*...eeh heh heh)...er, what else could one need? Oh yeah, phone service....eh, soon.
So today's massive giggle was brought to me from, where else? MisterPants. Its what looks like might be one of his favs...Tremble (actually I'm not sure what the guys real name is...but damn is that some funny readin'). I was just sniggering to hell at work today at the "Am I Gay?" section of reading. Actually, one entry was interesting....Tremble (really...don't know his name), an avowed heterosexual writes the following as to why he could be confused as an avowed homosexual (with notes from Queen Elvis...an avowed...well....Queen Elvis):

In my entire life I have never:
  • opened a beer bottle with a lighter
    (I really tried this a few times back in college...but pretty much only managed to bloody my knuckles)
  • read any science fiction
    (whoa....far too much)
  • understood the appeal of Aerosmith, Rush, or Bachman Turner Overdrive
    (whoa...me neither....er, OTOH....ever since Run-DMC's version of "Walk this way" came out....eh, nah)
  • pulled a doughnut in my dad's car
    (I used to pull doughnuts in my sister's Plymouth Horizon...which was a front wheel drive, which meant I had to pull the doughnuts in reverse....hm, maybe that's explaining a lot right there)
  • enjoyed eating chicken wings
    (*shurg*)
  • mowed a lawn completely (the vibrations from my dad's gas mower would always make my hands itch uncontrollably)
    (MAN, me too!!! But then my dad had this huge hulking Gravely mower...which was some relic from like World War 2 or something...I swear they used to run around eating up German tanks with that thing or something)
  • been to a "blues" bar
    (pfft....like I could know Phaedrus and not...probably explains a lot)
  • painted my face in the New York Knicks uniform colors
    (er....yeah, that takes a real....hm, well, retard...(sorry))
  • worn Dockers
    (Oh, definitely...especially after I saw some add about George Sands wearing Dockers...I think. That's got to explain a LOT)
So you can see....this explains a lot about Trembles true heterosexuality and Queen Elvis true.....er, just true queeniness....or something.

I've had too many of Henry's beers to try and figure that one out.
mmmmmm......Henry's beer.
I'm really into Moby's "Play" right now....especially "South Side"....then again, I was really into the Sneaker Pimps just last night. I think Johnny A's "song stuck in my head" is having an effect on me.
I think I want to be an angel this halloween...wait, lemme rephrase that....it might end up being more of an "albino demon" depending on how much of the costume I end up being able to afford. I'm really into the white wings concept though, but, never one to settle for the ordinary, being an angel would be sorta ordinary (no offense meant Jo). So I was thinking of adding white horns, a white forked tail, and (if I can find them for a reasonable price) white contacts. Oooh....that'd be unnerving IMHO. Po's latest theory is that I should be the Silver Surfer....which just sorta confuses me (no offense meant Po). Let it just be said that I WILL be taking November 1st off from work as usual. :)



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